Larry David Quotes
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Most people think I'm immodest.
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If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.
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I'm anti-cheese in a salad.
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I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.
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I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.
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Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.
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It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.
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I have reservations about everything I do.
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Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.
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I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.
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When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.
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I don't like to make a big splash anyway.
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I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'
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Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.
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I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
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I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.
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I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.
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Women love a self-confident bald man.
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Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.
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Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.
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You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.
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I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write.
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I can't stand reading anything that I've said.
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In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.