Larry David Quotes
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If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.
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I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.
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Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.
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I have reservations about everything I do.
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When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.
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The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.
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Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.
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I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
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I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.
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There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.
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There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!
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You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.
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You know, I'm really not that bright.
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I don't like to make a big splash anyway.
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I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.
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I don't have many friends.
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It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.
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Let's not forget, I got divorced.
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I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.
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Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.
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Women love a self-confident bald man.
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The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.
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I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write.
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I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.