Steve Martin Quotes
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I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.
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I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner.
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Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.
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I'm trying to think of other ones. Oh, yeah, I'd say - somebody would buy something and we'd say, and because you are our hundredth customer today, you get a free paperback.
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A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.
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Stand-up life is really hard. At one point, I got so paralyzed I could write five screenplays before I could write three jokes for stand-up. Later, I've finally allowed myself to relax quite a bit, to think I can do it because I've done it in the past. The pressure to come up with the material is the same but the anxiety about whether I can do it is gone.
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It's very hard sometimes when you can't crack something or can't solve something and you keep trying and trying and you know it's falling a little bit short. That's very hard, but then when you finally do it, it's very rewarding and the process is good too, I like working with people this way.
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You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.
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It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.
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I will do anything to look like him - except, of course, exercise or eat right.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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I can understand the drug thing. So they feel that it's more important to take the drugs than to do a good show for the people.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it's going to work. And then you get the response. It's great when it's good.
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They want me on the television shows now because I did so well on Celebrity Assholes.
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After one of my plays came out, I had mixed reviews, some bad and some good. One day, it dawned on me. I thought, 'I wrote a play and he wrote a review, and that's the difference between him and me.'
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I didn't worry if a bit got no response, as long as I believed it had enough response to linger.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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Reviews for someone like me come in three packages. One is justifiable praise, the second is justifiable criticism, and the third is, "This is only published because he's a celebrity."
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I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
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No matter how many times people say it - 'Oh, I'm just writing this for myself' 'Oh, I'm just doing this for myself' - nobody's doing it for themselves! You're doing it for an audience. So whether I'm performing or writing a book or playing music, it's definitely to be put out there and to be received in some way, definitely.
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Throughout my whole life, as a performer, I've never played with a band. I've always played alone, so I was never required to stay in rhythm or anything. So it was a real different experience for me to start playing with a band. There were so many basic things for me to learn.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.