Steve Martin Quotes
- All Quotes
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.
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Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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I'm not Vegas. Places I play usually cost like $3 to get in, you know, and people are going: Gee, I've got $3, I think I'll throw it away.
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I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.
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I would like a wine. The purpose of the wine is to get me drunk. A bad wine will get me as drunk as a good wine. I would like the good wine. And since the result is the same no matter which wine I drink, I'd like to pay the bad wine price.
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They want me on the television shows now because I did so well on Celebrity Assholes.
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After one of my plays came out, I had mixed reviews, some bad and some good. One day, it dawned on me. I thought, 'I wrote a play and he wrote a review, and that's the difference between him and me.'
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It's pain that changes our lives.
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Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
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I loved to make people laugh in high school, and then I found I loved being on stage in front of people. I'm sure that's some kind of ego trip or a way to overcome shyness. I was very kind of shy and reserved, so there's a way to be on stage and be performing and balance your life out.
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I've put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I've done terrible things to my dog with a fork.
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Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.
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I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner.
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It's not the size of the nose that matters, it's what's inside that counts.
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Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation.
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I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.
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I've decided to take up smoking, my doctor said I wasn't getting enough tar.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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Bad psychoanalysis would say I enjoyed pleasing people, working really hard and pleasing people, which is probably related to my father in some way. But I really liked working hard. When I worked at Disneyland, I'd do 12 hours straight and go home thrilled.
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Comedy is not pretty.
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The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.
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The streets of L.A. undulate over short hills as though a finger is poking the landscape from underneath ... laid over this crosshatch are streets meandering on the diagonal creating a multitude of ways to get from one place to another by traveling along the hypotenuse. These are the avenues of the tryst which enable Acting Student A to travel the eighteen miles across town to Acting Student B's garage apartment in nine minutes flat after a hot-blooded phone call at midnight.