- All Quotes
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I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night.
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Ah, yes. I remember my first beer.
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I loved magic, and so I would practice my magic tricks in front of a mirror for hours and hours and hours because I was told that you must practice, you must practice and never present a trick before it's ready.
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The overhead lights reflect in the glass countertop and mingle in the gray and black of the gloves, resulting in a mother-of-pearl swirl that sometimes sends Mirabelle into a shallow hypnotic dream.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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I realized that comedians of the day were operating on jokes and punch lines. The moment you say the punch line, the audience either laughs sincerely or they laugh automatically or they don't laugh. The thing that bothered me was that automatic laugh. I said, that's not real laughter.
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Stand-up life is really hard. At one point, I got so paralyzed I could write five screenplays before I could write three jokes for stand-up. Later, I've finally allowed myself to relax quite a bit, to think I can do it because I've done it in the past. The pressure to come up with the material is the same but the anxiety about whether I can do it is gone.
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I didn't worry if a bit got no response, as long as I believed it had enough response to linger.
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Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.
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Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.
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I will do anything to look like him - except, of course, exercise or eat right.
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As much as I remember, I just thought, I want to sing a song that starts normal and ends crazy.
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Any type of humor can be transferred to the screen, as long as there's clarity. The audience wants to know just what they're supposed to be feeling, when they're supposed to laugh.
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I cannot smell mothballs because it's so difficult to get their little legs apart.
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I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.
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I would say the three stages of making a film are the initial 'are we gonna do this,' 'how much will I be paid,' is there a lot of nights, who's it going to be with? The second stage of doing a film is how much fun your going to have doing it. The third stage is was the film a hit?
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I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.
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Writing is extremely personal, and that's the joy of it for me.
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I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
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I don't think comic timing is the same as music timing, but I definitely find that I've learned from just writing in general that songs can be narrative without having a story.
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation.
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Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.