Norm MacDonald Quotes
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There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.
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I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.
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Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.
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If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
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We advise others better than ourselves.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
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In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
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None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.