Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
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I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.
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A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.
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Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.
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All kinds of violence on the TV. You're not supposed to watch violence on the TV. Children, they can't watch it 'cause they're afraid maybe the kids will copy something they see on the TV. I can't even get a funny cartoon anymore because some 12-year-old somewhere watched a particularly violent episode of the Road Runner-Coyote show, and the next day, they found him at the bottom of a canyon, two giant springs strapped to his feet.
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I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
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We advise others better than ourselves.
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It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."
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Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.
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Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.
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It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.
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I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it.
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I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.