Norm MacDonald Quotes
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
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I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Sam Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always bomb.
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I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.
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In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.
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It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
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Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.
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There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.
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I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.
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There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."
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Jealousy seldom punishes with the severity it suffers.
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The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.
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Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.
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A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
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Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.