Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
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I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.
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Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
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In giving advice, aptitude is often less to be considered, than seasonableness.
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.
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Sam Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always bomb.
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We advise others better than ourselves.
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I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!
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There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."
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I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
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I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.