Norm MacDonald Quotes
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There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.
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If it wasn't so pointless and ridiculous, it would be more humiliating. Also, if there Hollywood weren't so many people as bad as myself - equally untalented people - it would be even more humiliating.
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You can't love your team without hating another team.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
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I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.
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Televised stand-up never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was shot on film.
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Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.
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There's that saying, "I don't know art, but I know what I like." The inverse is kind of true. I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
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Sam Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always bomb.
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I guess Richard Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.
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I completely understand why a businessman would fire me from 'Saturday Night Live'. Because he was seeing Jay Leno kill 10 minutes a night, doing his monologue with wall-to-wall laughs and applause, then I do 10 minutes a week to, sometimes, breathtaking silence. He's just listening for the laughs.
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I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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We are happy at the respect others pay our favorites, because we consider it a lively confirmation of our own choice, and as so much homage reflected on ourselves.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
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When people told the audience that Sam Kinison was good, he was accepted after that.
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Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
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If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.