Norm MacDonald Quotes
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There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
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Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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If it wasn't so pointless and ridiculous, it would be more humiliating. Also, if there Hollywood weren't so many people as bad as myself - equally untalented people - it would be even more humiliating.
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RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.