Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.
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I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
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When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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You're used to a TV show, and TV is just made for TV shows. It's not made for live events.So anyways, I was resistant to it, but I did it anyway.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.
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RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
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We are happy at the respect others pay our favorites, because we consider it a lively confirmation of our own choice, and as so much homage reflected on ourselves.
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I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.
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Sam Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always bomb.