Norm MacDonald Quotes
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If it wasn't so pointless and ridiculous, it would be more humiliating. Also, if there Hollywood weren't so many people as bad as myself - equally untalented people - it would be even more humiliating.
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I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It's very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.
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There's that saying, "I don't know art, but I know what I like." The inverse is kind of true. I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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We are happy at the respect others pay our favorites, because we consider it a lively confirmation of our own choice, and as so much homage reflected on ourselves.
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Televised stand-up never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was shot on film.
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Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
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I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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I guess Richard Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.
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I completely understand why a businessman would fire me from 'Saturday Night Live'. Because he was seeing Jay Leno kill 10 minutes a night, doing his monologue with wall-to-wall laughs and applause, then I do 10 minutes a week to, sometimes, breathtaking silence. He's just listening for the laughs.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.
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Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.
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If you cannot patiently bear correction, endeavor to avoid fault.
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
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When people told the audience that Sam Kinison was good, he was accepted after that.
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Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us.
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Sam Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always bomb.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.