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Televised stand-up never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was shot on film.
Norm MacDonald -
Jealousy seldom punishes with the severity it suffers.
Norm MacDonald
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It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
Norm MacDonald -
This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.
Norm MacDonald -
As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
Norm MacDonald -
If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.
Norm MacDonald -
They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
Norm MacDonald -
Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
Norm MacDonald
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
Norm MacDonald -
Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
Norm MacDonald -
My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
Norm MacDonald -
Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
Norm MacDonald -
Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
Norm MacDonald -
A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
Norm MacDonald
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The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
Norm MacDonald -
After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.
Norm MacDonald -
Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
Norm MacDonald -
A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.
Norm MacDonald -
I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!
Norm MacDonald -
Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
Norm MacDonald
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It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."
Norm MacDonald -
I don't have any ambition.
Norm MacDonald -
Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
Norm MacDonald -
He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
Norm MacDonald