Norm MacDonald Quotes
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it.
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A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.
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I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.
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None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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It is the folly of weak-minded people, to imagine they are what flattery or conceit represents them; and that it is useless for them to be what they are not, since they seem already to have acquired the reputation of it.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.