Norm MacDonald Quotes
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It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it.
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None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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It is the folly of weak-minded people, to imagine they are what flattery or conceit represents them; and that it is useless for them to be what they are not, since they seem already to have acquired the reputation of it.