Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.
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I don't have any ambition.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, "Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up." And then I'm like, "There's more work in the States."
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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I have a little bit of an out-of-body experience where I enjoy the scenario, and I really do like seeing a crowd turn into a mob, and I do nothing to stop it. People can become really dangerous.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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I don't really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
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There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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I'm happy doing stand-up, but I'll probably do a television show eventually. If not, I'll delve into this Internet world and decide best how to harness it. What I like best about it is the independent movie style and the ability to just be completely reckless within that world. I like that a lot. I just have to acquaint myself with technology.
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It is better to be idle than employed in ill.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
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Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
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They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.