Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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I don't have any ambition.
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I have a little bit of an out-of-body experience where I enjoy the scenario, and I really do like seeing a crowd turn into a mob, and I do nothing to stop it. People can become really dangerous.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
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Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
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The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
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A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.
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We advise others better than ourselves.
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It is better to be idle than employed in ill.
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The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne Michaels lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.