Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I have a little bit of an out-of-body experience where I enjoy the scenario, and I really do like seeing a crowd turn into a mob, and I do nothing to stop it. People can become really dangerous.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
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There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
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A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.
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If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne Michaels lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.
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I can't be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I'll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.
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It is better to be idle than employed in ill.
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Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.
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I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.
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I don't have any ambition.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.