Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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We advise others better than ourselves.
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I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.
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A lot of people think I'm difficult to work with. It's not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.
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Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they have a great deal; but those of elegance and charm generally know the perfection of their external graces so well, that they seem to covet that flattery most which heightens the opinion of their wit and judgment.
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Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.
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The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne Michaels lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
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There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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I can't be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I'll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.