Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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I'm not original, but I strive toward it as much as possible. I tried really hard on Weekend Update to do something that I considered original, which was, I tried to cut all cleverness out of the joke.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.
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Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
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I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.
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I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.
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You're used to a TV show, and TV is just made for TV shows. It's not made for live events.So anyways, I was resistant to it, but I did it anyway.
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Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.
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The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.
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Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.
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There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.
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If it wasn't so pointless and ridiculous, it would be more humiliating. Also, if there Hollywood weren't so many people as bad as myself - equally untalented people - it would be even more humiliating.