Andy Borowitz Quotes
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Quotes to Explore
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Dad said that he was prouder of me than he'd ever been when I came out.
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Shimeji are those odd-looking clusters of small mushrooms you often find in so-called 'exotic' selections at the supermarket. They have an appealing firmness that is retained during light cooking.
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Seed investing is the status symbol of Silicon Valley. Most people don't want Ferraris, they want a winning seed investment.
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When we shoot 'Scrubs' I spend every waking hour of my life in an abandoned and haunted hospital. All I can date there are ghosts and they tend to be horrible snugglers.
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I think personal beliefs of everybody shape everybody.
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It's really rare to come across a character, a show, or a movie that allows you to completely play four or five different characters within a season, let alone a week.
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The thing about the Internet is that you can write something... for a very narrow audience and make a living at it.
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I've tried coconut water straight up before, and to me, it's a little funky.
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There's a lot of females that hustle, just like men hustle.
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I am a huge wrestling fan. I would say The Rock is my favorite person to watch for obvious reasons.
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The West hasn't reached its universal state as yet, although its close to it, but it certainly has evolved out of its warring state phase, which it was in for a couple of centuries.
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I always think I have a chance, and I always give it all I've got.
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Many years ago... many, many years ago, I brought up a boy, and I said to him, 'Son, if you ever become a writer, try to write a good part for your old man sometime.' Well, by cracky, that's what he did!
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You have to be quite stupid to act.
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I am lactose intolerant, and I always thought it was really funny how people who are lactose intolerant continue to eat dairy, because they like it so much. And I find it not acceptable.
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As a woman, and as a working mom trying to get things done, you find yourself meeting adversity a lot, but you never talk about it because you don't want to bring attention to it. You don't want to go there.
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I would not waste time, as Senator Gillibrand does, on things such as dictating a national minimum driving age and sponsoring a 'National Day of Play.' I'd help New Yorkers understand that we get less in value from Washington than what we send there in taxes.
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I have no literary fears.
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I like to travel by myself.
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Think bigger. Forget limits. Embrace the idea of endless possibility.... It will change you.
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The only way of enduring one disaster after the next is to love the very idea of disaster: if we succeed, there are no further surprises, we are superior to whatever occurs, we are invincible victims.
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Memory in Greek mythology is the mother of the muses, and it is so for me. Both personal and societal memory move me strongly, and that is one of the sources of my writing.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.