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Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It’s called fun.
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Do you think God gets stoned? I think so … look at the platypus.
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Death - to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.
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The world is open for play, everything and everybody is mockable in a wonderful way.
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You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
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You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.
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I’m a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.
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I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was just in awe of this man because of what he'd done.
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Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
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Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
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Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did you do that?' But in the end, I can't regret them because I met amazing people. There was always something that was worth it.
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Make your life spectacular. I know I did.
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The idea of Juilliard was that it would give you this toolbox full of skills that you could take with you and apply to anything.
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The essential truth is that sometimes you're worried that they'll find out it's a fluke, that you don't really have it. You've lost the muse or - the worst dread - you never had it at all. I went through all that madness early on.
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No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.
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If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing.
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Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea - freedom. And it seems that something that means so much to so many people would be worth having.
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My style is bad white-boy dancing. I can do swing a little bit, but nothing beyond that. My solo dancing is sad. I use my arms, badly.
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Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem you face it like a man.
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For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.
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I knew Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were really talented. As actors, they were both studly young men, and they had great writers' chops.
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Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.
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The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
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What’s wrong with death, sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can’t we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor? Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.