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Never say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting.
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I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.
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I've never been asked to appear on 'I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!,' so I guess I mustn't be on the professional skids just yet.
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Comedy is acting out optimism.
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In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.
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Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.
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In America they really do mythologise people when they die.
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In 'The Secret Agent,' it's basically a character that was admired by Theodore Kaczynski, which is some fan mail you don't really want to open. This is a man who is a chemist and who specializes in making bombs and despises humanity.
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The idea of having a steady job is appealing.
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Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.
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From the point of view of being in the public radar, comedians have less problems than other actors. Action movie stars like Stallone or Schwarzenegger usually attract the more aggressive fans.
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I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal.
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I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
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Reality: What a concept!
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You must strive to find your own voice because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all.
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Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it ‘all the money’ but they changed it to alimony.
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The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don't tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.
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You’re still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.
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The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
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I've had a lot of people tell me they watched 'Old Dogs' with their kids and had a good time.
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What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
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You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you’ll win, no matter what the outcome.
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Gentlemen, haven’t we learned anything from the music of John Lennon? All we need is love.
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I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.