Zach Galifianakis Quotes
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I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it. That's if I'm in the mood – sometimes I get superbummed.
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I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
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I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
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Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
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My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.
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I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
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When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.
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Have you seen that show on Lifetime about that woman...?
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This is my impression of a Southern woman. 'Tsk, I am so mad at the Taliban right now!'
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I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy to do in real life. Instead of doing it in private, I'd rather do it in front of 1,000 people who've paid $25 to see me lose my mind.
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I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
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When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies.
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As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.
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I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
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I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
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I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.
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American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
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It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.
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That was some really great 'fatcting'.
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Growing up my dad was like 'Zach, you have a great last name: Galifianakis... Galifianakis... Begins with a 'gal', ends with a 'kiss''... I'm like 'That's great, Dad. Can we get it changed to 'Galifiana-fuck' please?'
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My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
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You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.
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I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.
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I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always been interesting. And angry clown is even more interesting.