Zach Galifianakis Quotes
-
I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
-
I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it. That's if I'm in the mood – sometimes I get superbummed.
-
My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.
-
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
-
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
-
This is my impression of a Southern woman. 'Tsk, I am so mad at the Taliban right now!'
-
Have you seen that show on Lifetime about that woman...?
-
When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass is always greener. I'd like to do a mixture of all of it. My goal is just to do small movies that I've written. That's what I'm trying to do now, just write smaller movies.
-
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
-
When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.
-
I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.
-
I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
-
As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.
-
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
-
I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.
-
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.
-
My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
-
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't laugh because he got distracted by my shoe strings.
-
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean.
-
I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my head. Then I'll go watch it fail onstage that night.
-
Growing up my dad was like 'Zach, you have a great last name: Galifianakis... Galifianakis... Begins with a 'gal', ends with a 'kiss''... I'm like 'That's great, Dad. Can we get it changed to 'Galifiana-fuck' please?'
-
I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
-
Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.
-
Did you ever wake up with an erection...and then you realize you're just in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk 'I'll take it!'