Zach Galifianakis Quotes
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I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
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Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, 'Will you touch my vagina...?' and she's like, 'What!?' and I'm like, 'That's what you're supposed to say.'
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The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out; I don't think it really exists anymore.
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We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's in our blood to drink coffee and talk politics.
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A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
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I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it.
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Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.
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Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.
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Comedians paint ourselves into corners all the time, and tastes in comedy change. The guy in 'The Hangover' was a really fun character to do, and it was easy to do. But you have to find other things because audiences will let you do that for a little bit, and then they're like, 'What else do you have for us, monkey?'
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My forte is awkwardness.
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I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging.
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I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.
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Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
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We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny.
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I talk to younger actor types, and they bring up that word, 'brand,' and it's like, 'All right, if that's the way you want to look at yourself.' Diet Pepsi's a brand; you're a human being.
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I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.
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I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.
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I've been wanting kids for 10 years. I'd love to adopt, have them naturally - all of it. I want, like, 15.
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I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
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When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.
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I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.
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Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
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I'm terrible about people wanting to take pictures with me. I'm a giant baby about it. They treat you like a cartoon. There's nothing you can do except make light of it. That's if I'm in the mood – sometimes I get superbummed.
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If you love Barry Manilow, you're gonna love the Insane Clown Posse. Love 'em. They're exactly... well, they're not EXACTLY alike, but they're a little bit alike...