Zach Galifianakis Quotes
-
I want to combine the NAACP with Mothers Against Drunk Driving. It's called Mothers Against the Advancement of Colored People.
-
I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony.
-
Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.
-
My forte is awkwardness.
-
Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.
-
There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
-
A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
-
The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find that time to sit down and learn about each other personally. I think that's totally wiped out; I don't think it really exists anymore.
-
We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny.
-
I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."
-
I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it.
-
I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.
-
I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.
-
When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.
-
I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.
-
Comedians paint ourselves into corners all the time, and tastes in comedy change. The guy in 'The Hangover' was a really fun character to do, and it was easy to do. But you have to find other things because audiences will let you do that for a little bit, and then they're like, 'What else do you have for us, monkey?'
-
Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
-
I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.
-
I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.
-
Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
-
You know, sometimes if you work – if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired.
-
I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
-
If you love Barry Manilow, you're gonna love the Insane Clown Posse. Love 'em. They're exactly... well, they're not EXACTLY alike, but they're a little bit alike...
-
I talk to younger actor types, and they bring up that word, 'brand,' and it's like, 'All right, if that's the way you want to look at yourself.' Diet Pepsi's a brand; you're a human being.