Conan O'Brien Quotes
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North Korea conducted a nuclear test and the blast was so small that many scientists are saying it was a dud. Apparently, the nuclear bomb didn't work well because it was made in Korea.
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Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private.
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At the economic summit in China, Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with the first lady of China. Then again, Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries.
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In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network.
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A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'
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Los Angeles residents are going to vote on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes.
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In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin.
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The mayor of Newark, N.J. wants to set up a citywide program to improve residents' health. The health care program would consist of a bus ticket out of Newark.
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At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion dollars.'
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I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging to form a super Social Media site - YouTwitFace.
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Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement.
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The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.
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The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they're doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates.
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President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even worse than we thought. He's a Jewish Muslim.'
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Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.
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The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'
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President Obama , I guess, is starting to confess to some of his anxieties. In a recent interview, President Obama said, 'I miss being anonymous.' He said, 'In the old days, I could blend in with all the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas.'
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According to a new study, most men would like women to occasionally pick up the check. The study also found that most women would occasionally like to be paid as much as men for doing the same job.
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Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. And on her way out she said, 'That locks down the Hispanic vote.'
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California has gone insane. According to the latest poll, Arnold Schwarzenegger is leading in California's governor's race by 34 points. You can tell that Governor Gray Davis is worried because he spent all day yesterday working on his pecs.
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Herman Cain has moved ahead of Mitt Romney. Can you believe that? Political analysts say this is because Americans don't understand Mormonism but they do understand pizza.
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I picked out my Halloween costume. I’m going as 'Slutty Madeleine Albright.'
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Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history.
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Nietzsche famously said "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.