- All Quotes
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Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42.
Conan O'Brien -
Tax day was yesterday. And marijuana growers are complaining that they can't write off a single expense thanks to federal laws. Well, apparently someone tried to claim the Phish tour as his home office and that's not going to happen.
Conan O'Brien
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If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.
Conan O'Brien -
It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way.
Conan O'Brien -
Indiana's governor is coming under fire for a new law that some people feel is anti-gay. The governor now says he is not anti-gay. Then immediately afterwards he said, 'April Fools.' It wasn't his best joke.
Conan O'Brien -
Texas Senator Ted Cruz said if elected president he would abolish the Department of Education. But not to worry. He promised to replace it with the less expensive Bureau of Book Learning.
Conan O'Brien -
For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, 'You are all set. This country never turns against a black anything.
Conan O'Brien -
The Republican-controlled House voted to repeal the healthcare bill. If that goes well, they'll see what they can do about this whole 'women voting' thing.
Conan O'Brien
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Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while others hate it.
Conan O'Brien -
I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want.
Conan O'Brien -
Nobody knows really what they're doing and there's two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the other is to be liberated, and I choose to be liberated by it.
Conan O'Brien -
There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
Conan O'Brien -
MSNBC has abruptly ended their relationship with Keith Olbermann, and according to his contract he's not allowed back on television for at least six months. Or as industry experts call it, The Conan.
Conan O'Brien -
The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.
Conan O'Brien