W. C. Fields Quotes
-
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
-
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
-
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
-
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
-
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
-
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
-
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
-
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
-
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
-
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
-
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
-
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
-
Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
-
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
-
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
-
I like children - fried.
-
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
-
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
-
I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
-
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
-
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
-
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
-
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
-
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.