Humor Quotes
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I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'
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We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!
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How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?
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We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
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Seems like the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.
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Wit and humor belong to genius alone.
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I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk!
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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
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I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.
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I like boys with humor.
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There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.
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I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.
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The big ballpark can do it all!
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That home run ties it up, 1-0.
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You have to have a sense of humor if you follow politics. Otherwise, the sheer fraudulence of it all will get you down.
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Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds.
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I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
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In Ali change creation faith growth hope humor life living Muhammad Ali transformation wonder. If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
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It's more difficult getting up early in the morning when you're wearing silk pajamas.
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
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I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.
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Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you.
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Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding.
