Humor Quotes
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Whether it's viewers of the show or readers of my columns and books, I'm consistently impressed with their wit, humor and insight. That goes for about 95 percent of the audience. The other five percent are why the 'Delete' option and restraining orders were invented.
Richard Roeper
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It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.
Chic Murray
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
Jim Gaffigan
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Good-humor makes all things tolerable.
Henry Ward Beecher
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Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
Mickey Rooney
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humor bears the closest relation to emotion, either bubbling up as from a deep and happy wellspring, or in an opposite fashion rising like a re-birth of feeling from dead levels after turmoil.
Constance Rourke
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Seems like the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.
Steven Tyler Aerosmith
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I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
Jim Gaffigan
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Humor is the mistress of tears.
William Makepeace Thackeray
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You have to have a sense of humor if you follow politics. Otherwise, the sheer fraudulence of it all will get you down.
Thomas Sowell
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I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor.
William Gilmore Simms
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What a great hitch to pit!
Jerry Coleman
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There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.
Jerry Coleman
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I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."
Jim Gaffigan
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Cathy was the first widely syndicated humor strip created by a woman. The strip was pretty revolutionary at the time not only because it starred a female, but also because it was so emotionally honest about all the conflicting feelings many women had in 1976.
Cathy Guisewite
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It's nice when you are with a guy who can find the humor in touch situations and be comfortable enough in his own skin that he can laugh at himself.
Mikaela Hoover
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I'm just a dog person. I love dogs very much, especially big ones, hounds, and retrievers. I think they are funny and often have good senses of humor. Plus, they give unconditional love.
Arthur Bradford
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Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.
Jerry Coleman
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Humor is intrinsitc to Christianity.
Soren Kierkegaard
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musicians rarely have a sense of humour, at least, about themselves.
Carolyn Wells
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
Jim Gaffigan
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."
Bill Bailey
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Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.
Steve Allen
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There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.
Jerry Coleman