Humor Quotes
-
Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.
-
If I know what something's about, and I can always have that touchstone, I feel like I can reach for really ridiculous humor and also go really dark in terms of the things I'm afraid of.
-
My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.
-
Humor is one of the most serious tools we have for dealing with impossible situations.
-
'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'
-
If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.
-
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
-
Cathy was the first widely syndicated humor strip created by a woman. The strip was pretty revolutionary at the time not only because it starred a female, but also because it was so emotionally honest about all the conflicting feelings many women had in 1976.
-
There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
-
I like boys with humor.
-
I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk!
-
If I can't find a theme, I can't make a film anyone else will feel. I can't laugh at intellectual humor. I'm just corny enough to like to have a story hit me over the heart.
-
My comedy has no color, it's for everybody, black, white, Latino, Asian. It's not a pro-black show, not a def jam show; it's just straight, wholesome type of humor.
-
What a great hitch to pit!
-
I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
-
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
-
Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.
-
I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor.
-
You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other.
-
Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?
-
How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?
-
That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.
-
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own
-
We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!
