Humor Quotes
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Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be.
Bill Vaughan
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Good-humor makes all things tolerable.
Henry Ward Beecher
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There is scarcely an aspect of the American character to which humor is not related, few which in some sense it has not governed. ... It is a lawless element, full of surprises.
Constance Rourke
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The way humor's usually used in horror, it's as a pressure-release valve; without it, the drama would escalate out of all control almost immediately.
Stephen Graham Jones
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I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
Sarah Silverman
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'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'
Tommy Cooper
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I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk!
Steve Martin
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I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
Steve Martin
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Even though the ball was doubled, they got it anyway.
Jerry Coleman
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
Jim Gaffigan
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Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
Mickey Rooney
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I've always been attracted to humor and funny people in general. It's a joy to make people laugh, but it's not as fun as laughing yourself.
Jennifer Garner
