Humor Quotes
-
I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
Jim Gaffigan
-
I just happen to be a sucker for humor. So anywhere I can sneak in something that I find potentially interesting or funny I do it as much as I can get away with.
Johnny Depp
-
There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim Gaffigan
-
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools.
Herbert Spencer
-
Figuring out a way to use humor to deal with important issues I think is very important. Laughter is a great diffuser.
Colton Dunn
-
I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
Jim Gaffigan
-
I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
Tommy Cooper
-
The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started.
Jerry Coleman
-
I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.
Chic Murray
-
At last, after almost fifty years in the hopper, the most famous unpublished novel in America is in print. Who Shot the Water Buffalo? is a splendid story of comradeship in a time and place of constant peril, but it's Babbs's irrepressible exuberance and vast, affectionate good humor that make the story go. I love this novel.
Ed McClanahan
-
I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.
Chic Murray
-
I want to be taken seriously as the type of musician that plays stuff like an electric rake. I mean, how seriously do you take someone like Spike Jones? They take him pretty seriously - a really good musician who made a great contribution in terms of humor, which is part of what I try to do too.
Eugene Chadbourne
-
Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
Jim Gaffigan
-
If you want a lot of visual humor, the way to do it is have visual people do it.
Dan Povenmire
-
True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.
Thomas Carlyle
-
To me, sadness and humor aren't disrelated and humor is the best tool I've had against the sadness in my life.
Mike Mills
-
I always gravitate toward the humor in something.
Steve Zahn
-
The great thing about university is that they incline you to get up and do it, from the Classics to modern plays, to the humor that Monty Pythons made popular.
Michael York
