Humor Quotes
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If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
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Delicate humor is the crowning virtue of the saints.
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
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You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast.
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The best point of my novels, I think, is their humor. I want to keep many my works humorous.
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All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.
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Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.
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I just like playing interesting, complex, complicated characters. I like films that also have an element of humor.
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If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
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It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.
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If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
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When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.
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It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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The secret to success is to subjugate your ego and serve others.
