Humor Quotes
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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One does not laugh because one is happy; one is happy because one laughs.
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That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.
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I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
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Humor is the most important thing in life. It trumps everything else, and it's the only thing that helps me deal with everything else.
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I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.
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That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
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Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.
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George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up.
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When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty.
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In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.
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Humor is a great way to relieve stress.
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Humor is a key to a happy life with ADD.
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All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.