Humor Quotes
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It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
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I've known Don Mancini for 22 years. We're dear friends. I know his humor, I know his mind.
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So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
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I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.
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If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
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I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
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That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
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A sense of humor has been linked with longevity. It is a possibility that the mental attitude reflected in a lively sense of humor is an important factor predisposing some people toward long life.
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Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty.
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You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.
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Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
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Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.
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Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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After all, when a thought takes one's breath away, a lesson on grammar seems an impertinence.
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Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
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Humor is a key to a happy life with ADD.
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
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If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
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In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.
