Humor Quotes
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Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.
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George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up.
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She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me, and I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.
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Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
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When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
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My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!
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Irony is the birth-pangs of the objective mind (based upon the misrelationship, discovered by the I , between existence and the idea of existence). Humor is the birth -pangs of the absolute mind (based upon the misrelationship, discovered by the I , between the I and the idea of the I.
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
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My sense of humor has saved me more than a couple of times in my life.
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
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I want to help people, give hope to all. Humor is the foundation of our lives.
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Humor is a great way to relieve stress.
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Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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Humor is the most important thing in life. It trumps everything else, and it's the only thing that helps me deal with everything else.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
