Humor Quotes
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.
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I want to help people, give hope to all. Humor is the foundation of our lives.
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An uncontrolled sense of humor is often costly in business.
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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When the Constitution declares that 'all men are created equal,' it is not referring to intelligence, good looks, good humor, height, weight, or income. It is talking about certain rights, 'inalienable', in that they cannot be taken away.
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My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.
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That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
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Hrabosky looks fierce in that Fu Manchu haircut.
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
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Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
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When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
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Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
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In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.
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I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.
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Laughter keeps you healthy. You can survive by seeing the humor in everything. Thumb your nose at sadness; turn the tables on tragedy. You can’t laugh and be angry, you can’t laugh and feel sad, you can’t laugh and feel envious.
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You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Sometimes I make myself laugh, but that's because I appreciate my sense of humor.
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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From Lucifer to Jerry Sneak there is not an aspect of evil, imperfection, and littleness which can elude the lights of humor or the lightning of wit.
