Humor Quotes
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My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.
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Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
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That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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Humor is the most important thing in life. It trumps everything else, and it's the only thing that helps me deal with everything else.
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One does not laugh because one is happy; one is happy because one laughs.
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Good humor is the sunshine of the mind.
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
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My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon.
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From Lucifer to Jerry Sneak there is not an aspect of evil, imperfection, and littleness which can elude the lights of humor or the lightning of wit.
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If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!
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Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.