Humor Quotes
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
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George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown pop-up.
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
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Irony is the birth-pangs of the objective mind (based upon the misrelationship, discovered by the I , between existence and the idea of existence). Humor is the birth -pangs of the absolute mind (based upon the misrelationship, discovered by the I , between the I and the idea of the I.
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!
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When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
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Humor is a great way to relieve stress.
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Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
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She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me, and I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.
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Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
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As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Humor is the most important thing in life. It trumps everything else, and it's the only thing that helps me deal with everything else.
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After all, when a thought takes one's breath away, a lesson on grammar seems an impertinence.
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One does not laugh because one is happy; one is happy because one laughs.
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
