Humor Quotes
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Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
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So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."
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Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
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I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
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During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
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Good-humor is the clear blue sky of the soul.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.
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If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
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I want to help people, give hope to all. Humor is the foundation of our lives.
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The best point of my novels, I think, is their humor. I want to keep many my works humorous.
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Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.
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So she ignored Mrs. Arbuthnot's remark and raised forefinger, and said with marked coldness—at least, she tried to make it sound marked— that she supposed they would be going to breakfast, and that she had had hers; but it was her fate that however coldly she sent forth her words they came out sounding quite warm and agreeable. That was because she had a sympathetic and delightful voice, due entirely to some special formation of her throat and the roof of her mouth, and having nothing whatever to do with what she was feeling. Nobody in consequence ever believed they were being snubbed. It was most tiresome. And if she stared icily it did not look icy at all, because her eyes, lovely to begin with, had the added loveliness of very long, soft, dark eyelashes. No icy stare could come out of eyes like that; it got caught and lost in the soft eyelashes, and the persons stared at merely thought they were being regarded with a flattering and exquisite attentiveness. And if ever she was out of humour or definitely cross— and who would not be sometimes in such a world?—-she only looked so pathetic that people all rushed to comfort her, if possible by means of kissing. It was more than tiresome, it was maddening. Nature was determined that she should look and sound angelic. She could never be disagreeable or rude without being completely misunderstood.
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
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We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should.
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I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.
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After all, when a thought takes one's breath away, a lesson on grammar seems an impertinence.
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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My sense of humor has saved me more than a couple of times in my life.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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It's funny because it's true, and also it's the kind of humor that makes you think.
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Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty.
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That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.
