Humor Quotes
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.
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A sense of humor has been linked with longevity. It is a possibility that the mental attitude reflected in a lively sense of humor is an important factor predisposing some people toward long life.
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During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
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So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."
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So she ignored Mrs. Arbuthnot's remark and raised forefinger, and said with marked coldness—at least, she tried to make it sound marked— that she supposed they would be going to breakfast, and that she had had hers; but it was her fate that however coldly she sent forth her words they came out sounding quite warm and agreeable. That was because she had a sympathetic and delightful voice, due entirely to some special formation of her throat and the roof of her mouth, and having nothing whatever to do with what she was feeling. Nobody in consequence ever believed they were being snubbed. It was most tiresome. And if she stared icily it did not look icy at all, because her eyes, lovely to begin with, had the added loveliness of very long, soft, dark eyelashes. No icy stare could come out of eyes like that; it got caught and lost in the soft eyelashes, and the persons stared at merely thought they were being regarded with a flattering and exquisite attentiveness. And if ever she was out of humour or definitely cross— and who would not be sometimes in such a world?—-she only looked so pathetic that people all rushed to comfort her, if possible by means of kissing. It was more than tiresome, it was maddening. Nature was determined that she should look and sound angelic. She could never be disagreeable or rude without being completely misunderstood.
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I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.
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Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
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Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty.
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To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making points that they don't ... I'd rather be funny myself, and I'd rather listen to somebody with a little sense of humor.
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Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
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It's funny because it's true, and also it's the kind of humor that makes you think.
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We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should.
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In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.
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That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.
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I want to help people, give hope to all. Humor is the foundation of our lives.
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If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
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My sense of humor has saved me more than a couple of times in my life.
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
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The best point of my novels, I think, is their humor. I want to keep many my works humorous.
