Humor Quotes
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.
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The great thing about university is that they incline you to get up and do it, from the Classics to modern plays, to the humor that Monty Pythons made popular.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
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A sense of humor has been linked with longevity. It is a possibility that the mental attitude reflected in a lively sense of humor is an important factor predisposing some people toward long life.
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We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
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Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty.
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
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Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.
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So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "Break my arms."
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Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
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Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.
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If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
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You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
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It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
