Humor Quotes
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
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Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I can only do what I do with a spirit of humor, and faith and give the controls over to something else.
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If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.
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I want to help people, give hope to all. Humor is the foundation of our lives.
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In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.
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Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks. We're real sarcastic. Really ironic and stuff. We mean well, but we joke around probably a lot more than we should.
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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
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People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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Humor is a great way to relieve stress.
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
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I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
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I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.
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Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
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Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
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As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.
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There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
