Humor Quotes
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Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
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I often use humor as a tool in my writing, and sometimes that works and sometimes it sits alone just as a funny line.
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
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If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.
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My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.
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Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.
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She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
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I'm convinced that it's energy and humor. The two of them combined equal charm.
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I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
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I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
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Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
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Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
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I've known Don Mancini for 22 years. We're dear friends. I know his humor, I know his mind.
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At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.
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People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!
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A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.
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But you shall not escape my iambics.
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When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.
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It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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Putting a little time aside for clean fun and good humor is very necessary to relieve the tensions of our time.
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Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
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The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools.
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And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.
