Humor Quotes
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A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.
Morey Amsterdam -
I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.
Murray Walker
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Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.
Jerry Coleman -
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
Tommy Cooper -
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.
William Arthur Ward -
I believe in irony. And if V-Day has taught me anything, it's that if you go out with artistic, outrageous irony and humor, people are drawn to it.
Eve Ensler -
You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other.
Steve Irwin -
A sense of humor is so handy, isn't it? It lets you see both sides of a question so that you never need do anything.
Winifred Holtby
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From Lucifer to Jerry Sneak there is not an aspect of evil, imperfection, and littleness which can elude the lights of humor or the lightning of wit.
Edwin Percy Whipple -
I suppose I miss the British cynicism and the humor.
Rod Stewart -
Mirth is a Proteus, changing its shape and manner with the thousand diversities of individual character, from the most superfluous gayety to the deepest, moat earnest humor.
Edwin Percy Whipple -
Laughter keeps you healthy. You can survive by seeing the humor in everything. Thumb your nose at sadness; turn the tables on tragedy. You can’t laugh and be angry, you can’t laugh and feel sad, you can’t laugh and feel envious.
Bel Kaufman -
You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.
Jerry Coleman -
My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.
Michael Caine
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They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb.
Jerry Coleman -
I do have a dirty sense of humor.
Josh Gad -
I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.
Steve Martin -
After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.
Chic Murray -
I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
Richard Lewis -
Putting a little time aside for clean fun and good humor is very necessary to relieve the tensions of our time.
Hattie McDaniel
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
Jerry Coleman -
I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
Tommy Cooper -
One does not laugh because one is happy; one is happy because one laughs.
Mireille Guiliano -
The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!
Jerry Coleman