Humor Quotes
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
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Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
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All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.
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I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I do have a dirty sense of humor.
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I think absurdist humor is funny...
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Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
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Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.
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Good-humor is the clear blue sky of the soul.
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So she ignored Mrs. Arbuthnot's remark and raised forefinger, and said with marked coldness—at least, she tried to make it sound marked— that she supposed they would be going to breakfast, and that she had had hers; but it was her fate that however coldly she sent forth her words they came out sounding quite warm and agreeable. That was because she had a sympathetic and delightful voice, due entirely to some special formation of her throat and the roof of her mouth, and having nothing whatever to do with what she was feeling. Nobody in consequence ever believed they were being snubbed. It was most tiresome. And if she stared icily it did not look icy at all, because her eyes, lovely to begin with, had the added loveliness of very long, soft, dark eyelashes. No icy stare could come out of eyes like that; it got caught and lost in the soft eyelashes, and the persons stared at merely thought they were being regarded with a flattering and exquisite attentiveness. And if ever she was out of humour or definitely cross— and who would not be sometimes in such a world?—-she only looked so pathetic that people all rushed to comfort her, if possible by means of kissing. It was more than tiresome, it was maddening. Nature was determined that she should look and sound angelic. She could never be disagreeable or rude without being completely misunderstood.
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A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.
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I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... an Arctic region covered with ice.
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You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. 'Ah, the book was much better than the movie.' Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
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Ozzie Smith is out there roaming around like glass.
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To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making points that they don't ... I'd rather be funny myself, and I'd rather listen to somebody with a little sense of humor.
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Humor is the sense of the Absurd which is despair refusing to take itself seriously.
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
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My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!
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Delicate humor is the crowning virtue of the saints.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.
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In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes.
