Humor Quotes
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That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
Jerry Coleman
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
Erma Bombeck
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If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.
William Howard Taft
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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.
Tommy Cooper
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Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
Jerry Coleman
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I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
Richard Lewis
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Humor is a key to a happy life with ADD.
Edward Hallowell
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Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
Jerry Coleman
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
Erma Bombeck
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You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.
Jerry Coleman
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Humor is a great way to relieve stress.
Christina Maslach
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The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
Jerry Coleman
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As far as how I approach the humor, I think the best comedy is going to happen when I'm myself and act organically to a news item or situation.
Nikki Glaser
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As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.
Stephen Fry
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I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.
Steve Martin
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If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
Erma Bombeck
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
Virginia Woolf
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
Jerry Coleman
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I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of an actor thing, just committing to whatever the thing is.
Topher Grace
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It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.
Stephen Fry
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I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.
Jerry Coleman
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
Steve Martin
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
Jim Gaffigan
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She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me, and I am in no humor at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.
Jane Austen