Humor Quotes
-
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
-
Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
William Goldman
-
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
Erma Bombeck
-
Ultimately, we as a band just write what we write. Some of it's very serious, and even in the serious songs, there's sometimes an angle of levity. I think that's just how we communicate naturally and to shy away from that would be, first of all, boring for me, but also it wouldn't ring true to who I am or the way I relate to people or the way we relate to people as a band or the way we relate to the audience. Humor is a big part of it, but we also take our craft very seriously.
Ed Robertson
-
A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.
Ernest Hemingway
-
The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.
Chic Murray
-
Humor is so culturally based that when I try to tell a joke as me being a white American, if I tell other white Americans, they'll laugh. If I tell an African American, they might not laugh. In fact, they either might not find it funny, or they might find it offensive, and I didn't mean it to be offensive. So these are the sort of little things that build up over time, just like in a marriage. You know, the little things can build up over time.
Michael Emerson
-
This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."
Jim Gaffigan
-
During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.
Richard Lewis
-
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'
Tommy Cooper
-
After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.
Chic Murray
-
If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.
Jerry Coleman
