Humor Quotes
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I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.
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I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
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True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.
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I could never be Charlie Chaplin. But the films that were made by people like him, or Gene Wilder, or John Candy, the people that inspired me so much were the people that were able to combine humor with heartbreak so beautifully and fluidly. Those films I think were what inspired me to want to come to L.A. and audition for movies.
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
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I think absurdist humor is funny...
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They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe.
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
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Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.
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It's nice when you are with a guy who can find the humor in touch situations and be comfortable enough in his own skin that he can laugh at himself.
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The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started.
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If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
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Good humor is the sunshine of the mind.
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You may not like the humor, but that is why every radio has an on-off button.
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I don't know about Willie Davis. He's not as young as he used to be.
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Once anyone who has a sense of humor can do what they want, they want to do funny bits as much as possible.
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I'll come out and say it because no one else will: French gross-out humor is the best. Particularly the illustrated variety.
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There is scarcely an aspect of the American character to which humor is not related, few which in some sense it has not governed. ... It is a lawless element, full of surprises.
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It's a cold night out tonight. The Padres better warm up real good because it's stiff out there.
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The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools.
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It's all there-the boredom, the devotion, the horror and even the humor in an industrial war fought on a global scale that we'll never see again. Unit histories just do not get any better.
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Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none.
