Humor Quotes
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I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
Tommy Cooper -
When I was younger, when I was a teenager, the work was more satirical and funny and cartoony. And part of it was chops - if you have a more limited repertoire of stick figures and cartoon characters, they lend themselves more to humor than to tragedy.
Eric Drooker
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There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Jim Gaffigan -
I really wouldn't want to live in America. I found New York claustrophobic and dirty. I missed England when I was there, simple things like smells and the British sense of humor.
Jonny Lee Miller -
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper -
I love a sense of humor, I love intelligence, I love specificity, I love surprises. I'm inspired to get out of bed in the morning and fill my day with good things.
Michael Stuhlbarg -
Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius.
Thomas Carlyle -
Humor implies a sure conception of the beautiful, the majestic and he true, by whose light it surveys and shape s their opposites. It is a humane influence, softening with mirth the ragged inequities of existence, prompting tolerant views of life, bridging over the space which separates the lofty from the lowly, the great from the humble.
Edwin Percy Whipple
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Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
Abe Burrows -
The way humor's usually used in horror, it's as a pressure-release valve; without it, the drama would escalate out of all control almost immediately.
Stephen Graham Jones -
People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."
Jim Gaffigan -
Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.
Jerry Coleman -
Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.
Steve Allen -
I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.
Chic Murray
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If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.
William Howard Taft -
True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.
Thomas Carlyle -
Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
Jerry Coleman -
I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
Virginia Woolf -
I'll come out and say it because no one else will: French gross-out humor is the best. Particularly the illustrated variety.
Euny Hong -
Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".
Jerry Coleman
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National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.
Jerry Coleman -
The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.
Chic Murray -
Good-humor is the clear blue sky of the soul.
Arthur Frederick Saunders -
Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America — that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved.
Redd Foxx