Humor Quotes
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The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools.
Herbert Spencer
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
Jim Gaffigan
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Never accept a drink from a urologist.
Erma Bombeck
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Imagination offers people consolation for what they cannot be, and humor for what they actually are.
Albert Camus
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Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.
William Morris
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To me, sadness and humor aren't disrelated and humor is the best tool I've had against the sadness in my life.
Mike Mills
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I think it's terribly difficult to take sex seriously if you've got a sense of humor.
Charlotte Bingham
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Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
Jim Gaffigan
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Once anyone who has a sense of humor can do what they want, they want to do funny bits as much as possible.
Gavin McInnes
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Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."
Jim Gaffigan
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
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I really wouldn't want to live in America. I found New York claustrophobic and dirty. I missed England when I was there, simple things like smells and the British sense of humor.
Jonny Lee Miller
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It's nice when you are with a guy who can find the humor in touch situations and be comfortable enough in his own skin that he can laugh at himself.
Mikaela Hoover
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If you want a lot of visual humor, the way to do it is have visual people do it.
Dan Povenmire
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humor bears the closest relation to emotion, either bubbling up as from a deep and happy wellspring, or in an opposite fashion rising like a re-birth of feeling from dead levels after turmoil.
Constance Rourke
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People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."
Jim Gaffigan
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You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.
Jerry Coleman
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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
Jim Gaffigan
