Humor Quotes
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I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"
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Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.
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Good-humor makes all things tolerable.
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What a great hitch to pit!
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Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none.
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No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .
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If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.
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Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.
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Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.
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The subtle differences in language and humor that get lost in translation, for example, make it almost impossible for big companies to do something that will appeal at home and abroad.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.
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I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
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I always gravitate toward the humor in something.
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Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul.
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There is scarcely an aspect of the American character to which humor is not related, few which in some sense it has not governed. ... It is a lawless element, full of surprises.
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I suppose I miss the British cynicism and the humor.
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I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.
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If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.
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Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".
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To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
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The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
