Humor Quotes
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I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
Jim Gaffigan
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humor bears the closest relation to emotion, either bubbling up as from a deep and happy wellspring, or in an opposite fashion rising like a re-birth of feeling from dead levels after turmoil.
Constance Rourke
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Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."
P. J. O'Rourke
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There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.
Jerry Coleman
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A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.
Chic Murray
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Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy."
Jim Gaffigan
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The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.
Chic Murray
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Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.
Jerry Coleman
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Humor is such a strong weapon, such a strong answer.
Agnes Varda
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I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
Tommy Cooper
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Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
Jerry Coleman
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My comedy has no color, it's for everybody, black, white, Latino, Asian. It's not a pro-black show, not a def jam show; it's just straight, wholesome type of humor.
Bruce Bruce
