Humor Quotes
-
In Ali change creation faith growth hope humor life living Muhammad Ali transformation wonder. If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
-
Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise.
-
I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
-
Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia.
-
I thought it was time to add a little humor.
-
Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.
-
There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.
-
Humor is such a strong weapon, such a strong answer. Women have to make jokes about themselves, laugh about themselves, because they have nothing to lose.
-
And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.
-
After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.
-
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.
-
Good-humor makes all things tolerable.
-
Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
-
I'll come out and say it because no one else will: French gross-out humor is the best. Particularly the illustrated variety.
-
Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.
-
I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
-
I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'
-
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own
-
Seems like the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.
-
National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.
-
I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."
-
I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor.
-
I come from a very big family. Nine parents.
-
Whether it's viewers of the show or readers of my columns and books, I'm consistently impressed with their wit, humor and insight. That goes for about 95 percent of the audience. The other five percent are why the 'Delete' option and restraining orders were invented.
