Humor Quotes
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There is something to me very softening in the presence of a woman, some strange influence, even if one is not in love with them, which I cannot at all account for, having no very high opinion of the sex. But yet, I always feel in better humor with myself and every thing else, if there is a woman within ken.
Lord Byron -
Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done.
Jerry Coleman
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Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.
Sarah Silverman -
How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?
Joanne Rowling -
What a great hitch to pit!
Jerry Coleman -
I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this.
Jerry Coleman -
Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?
Jerry Coleman -
I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.
Jerry Coleman
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Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.
Jerry Coleman -
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Charles Dickens -
I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom).
Dolly Parton -
The ballgame is over...in this inning.
Jerry Coleman -
I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"
Jim Gaffigan -
That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.
Jerry Coleman
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If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous, you lose everything.
Paul Simon Simon & Garfunkel -
Well, honor is the subject of my story.
William Shakespeare -
What is wanted for the nonce is, that folks should be as agreeable as possible in conversation and demeanor; so that good humor may be said to be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in societ.
William Makepeace Thackeray -
Good-humor makes all things tolerable.
Henry Ward Beecher -
Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds.
Miguel de Cervantes -
I believe that economists put decimal points in their forecasts to show they have a sense of humor.
William Gilmore Simms
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The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon the single qualification that the candidate shall be unworthy of membership.
Charles Clayton Morrison -
Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.
Jim Gaffigan -
Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.
Jim Gaffigan -
I've always been attracted to humor and funny people in general. It's a joy to make people laugh, but it's not as fun as laughing yourself.
Jennifer Garner