Humor Quotes
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The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
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To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
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Humor is a means of obtaining pleasure in spite of the distressing effects that interface with it.
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I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
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Even though the ball was doubled, they got it anyway.
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I always try to be ironistic in everything I do. I love people who understand humor and who live through humor. So, of course, I was not too serious covering such things as Motörhead or "Black Magic Woman" by Santana. But I was serious enough about Led Zeppelin and the Celtic song "Wild Mountain Thyme." In my life, serious and humor are always together.
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I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this.
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We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
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Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.
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Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.
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What is wanted for the nonce is, that folks should be as agreeable as possible in conversation and demeanor; so that good humor may be said to be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in societ.
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Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.
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Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.
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No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .
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That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.
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I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.
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The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon the single qualification that the candidate shall be unworthy of membership.
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I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes
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My dad has a very dry sense of humor and my mom has a more fun, silly sense of humor. My mom is the type that, at the dinner table, you'd look over at and she'd have a piece of asparagus hanging down her nose. Classic mom bit.
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If I can't find a theme, I can't make a film anyone else will feel. I can't laugh at intellectual humor. I'm just corny enough to like to have a story hit me over the heart.
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You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor.
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Whether it's viewers of the show or readers of my columns and books, I'm consistently impressed with their wit, humor and insight. That goes for about 95 percent of the audience. The other five percent are why the 'Delete' option and restraining orders were invented.
