Humor Quotes
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I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
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After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.
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Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.
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I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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A crisis + time = humor.
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The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
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Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
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My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.
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I will say that as I get older and calmer and quieter in my own self, the one quality in a woman that I find more and more attractive is kindness. A sense of adventure and humor is important too, but I truly find kindness and consideration for others to be the most attractive thing in anyone.
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There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
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The ballgame is over...in this inning.
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The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood.
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I cannot put into words how happy I was to have had the opportunity to be around him as much as I was. He had a great sense of humor, and through his humor, one could find his wisdom.
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Apparently sometimes my humor is dryer than a desert.
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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That home run ties it up, 1-0.
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Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
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Vincent Price did Oscar Wilde on Broadway, and I think he probably did it because he was almost like an Oscar Wilde. He had that brilliant humor.
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The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century.
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He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy.
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How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?
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The game in St. Louis has been halted in the fourth inning because of rain. I'll bet they have the jacuzzis going there.
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I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.
