Humor Quotes
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I think the Canadian sense of humor is dryer than America's and juicier than Britain's. I think it's a cross between the two of them, really.
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I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
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I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"
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I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.
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No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .
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Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise.
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A good sense of humor will get you everywhere.
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The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century.
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But I think frustration is hilarious. One of my missions is to bring humor into fine art. It's sacred.
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Good humor, like the jaundice, makes every one of its own complexion.
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Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.
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I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
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You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."
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I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".
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The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
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I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
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I thought it was time to add a little humor.
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Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit.
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Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"
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Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.
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Humor is such a strong weapon, such a strong answer. Women have to make jokes about themselves, laugh about themselves, because they have nothing to lose.
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Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality.
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There is a grim and ghastly humor -- the humor that is born of a pathetic philosophy -- which now and then strikes me in reading the bright and keen-witted work of our American paragraphers. It is a humor that may be crystallized by hunger and sorrow and tears. It is not found elsewhere as it is in America. It is out of the question in England, because an Englishman cannot poke fun at himself. He cannot joke about an empty flour-barrel. We can: especially if by doing it we may swap the joke for another barrel of flour. We can never be a nation of snobs so long as we are willing to poke fun at ourselves.
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
