Humor Quotes
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.
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Rich Folkers is throwing 'em up in the bullpen.
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I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you."
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I think the Canadian sense of humor is dryer than America's and juicier than Britain's. I think it's a cross between the two of them, really.
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And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.
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Figuring out a way to use humor to deal with important issues I think is very important. Laughter is a great diffuser.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."
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The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri.
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He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy.
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I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get to the bathroom).
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You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach...but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?"
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Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia.
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It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader.
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Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.
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I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.
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When you lose your hands, you can't play baseball.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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In the wise words of Mahatma Gandhi: have a sense of humor.
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Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done.
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My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.
