Humor Quotes
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The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.
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Why are they all staring?" demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students. "Don’t let it worry you," said Ron. "It’s me. I’m extremely famous.
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The essence of humor is sensibility; warm, tender fellow-feeling with all forms of existence.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
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Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
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I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.
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At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3.
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If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I'm not frightened by anyone's perception of me.
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I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn't even have attempted it.
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That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"
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Denzel Washington has a great sense of humor. He did all those 'Nutty Professor' movies.
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Grubb goes back, back... He's under the warning track and makes the play.
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I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.
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The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon the single qualification that the candidate shall be unworthy of membership.
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A sense of humor isn't everything. It's only 90 percent of everything.
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Netflix did it right and focused on all the things that have replaced the dumb, raw numbers of the Nielsen world - they embraced targeted marketing and 'brand' as a virtue higher than ratings.
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Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
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Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.
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You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach...but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?"
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Amy Schumer is a really, really hilarious writer. She's super funny, and I feel like the core of our senses of humor is really similar.
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My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.
