Funny Quotes
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You know what's funny? I don't ever feel the need to escape. I have a strong marriage. I like my life. You hear about these guys having midlife crises - I don't see that happening to me.
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Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer.
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You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach...but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?"
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The reason I'm writing funny books is that I wish there were more.
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So much of a stand-up's life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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Because of an off-hand funny comment I made backstage at a concert years ago, a story circulated that the song has been a burden and even that I didnt sing it for a while. Thats completely false. I am very proud of American Pie and the many satellites that grow from it and revolve around it. For many years I carried my songs around and now they carry me around. I have always sung American Pie for my audience and would never think of disappointing them since it is they who have given me a wonderful life and untold affection for almost 30 years.
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I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".
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My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.
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If you have a dog, and you're a person whose moods are constantly changing, there's a moment when you look at the dog, and you feel bad for them because they're attached to you, and so it's funny for the dog to vocalize those things in some ways.
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West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as sharp as their looks. Except for the fact that they all speak English pretty well, they're indistinguishable from Americans.
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I like expensive-looking, nuanced, hour-long dramas that don't smell like regular TV. That and cheap, funny shows that feel like one guy made them by himself. So ... artisanal television?
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No one wants to say, 'That's not funny,' when you're working.
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Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
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By 1961, when I got my first copywriting job, 'my kind' were suddenly in demand. The creative revolution had begun. Advertising had turned into a business dominated by young, funny, Jewish copywriters and tough, sometimes violent, Greek and Italian art directors.
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I'm a funny guy. You've got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once.
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Since kindergarten, I was the shortest kid in class. They always put me toward the front in school pictures, because you couldn't see me if I was in the back. It was kind of funny.
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In the main, there are two sorts of books: those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.
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Life is a funny thing, the minute you think you've got everything figured out something comes along and turns it all upside down.
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I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.
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Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done.
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If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.
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It's funny: I don't know if she babysat, but I spent time with Judy Blume when I was little.
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Kind of the exhausting thing about doing pure comedy, or something that's broader, is you're kind of a slave to the laugh. If it's not funny, then there's not much point in doing it. The kind of ueber-objective is to make people laugh. You always have to have that in the back of your mind, 'Eh, I've got to figure out a way to make this funny.'
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I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn't even have attempted it.
