Funny Quotes
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And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.
Jerry Coleman
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I am dating, but it is hard to find someone quick enough and funny enough. I am quite demanding.
Anne Robinson
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I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.
Adam Sandler
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I was always pretty funny with my friends.
Kenan Thompson
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Any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"
Bill Burr
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
Elayne Boosler
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I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."
Jim Gaffigan
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The funny thing about making this record and being away from the girls and on my own in LA is that it allowed me to reflect on how much we've accomplished.
Mel C
Spice Girls
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'48 Hrs.' is very tough and funny.
Jay Chandrasekhar
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It's not hard for me to be funny in front of people, but most of that is just horrified nerves taking the form of what makes people laugh, and afterwards I'd always feel dreadfully depressed, kind of self-induced bi-polar disorder.
Lynda Barry
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Existence is a series of footnotes to a vast, obscure, unfinished masterpiece.
Vladimir Nabokov
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It's funny: when I go to a school and speak, and when they hear the back story about me, they want to go read the book.
Jay Asher
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I watch 'The Bachelor'. It's one of those things where I always think if it didn't exist and it was on 'SNL,' we would think it would be a ridiculous, funny idea. But it actually exists... It's a glorious train wreck that I love to watch.
Jamie-Lynn Sigler
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Don't talk anybody, don't come near! Can't you see the fish might hear? He thinks I'm playing with a piece of string; He thinks I'm another sort of funny thing, But he doesn't know I'm fishing - He doesn't know I'm fishing. That's what I'm doing - Fishing.
A. A. Milne
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It's funny how God will just keep using you, and our motto around our family forever has been, 'Just let Him use you.'
Kim Fields
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Humor, for me, is really a gate of departure. It's a way of enticing a reader into a poem so that less funny things can take place later. It really is not an end in itself, but a means to an end.
Billy Collins
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When I was 12, I snapped my arm in two. My wrist still has a funny bump because they didn't join it back together so great.
Jessica De Gouw
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If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.
P. J. O'Rourke
