Chelsea Handler Quotes

I'm a late-night host that doesn't want to be tied down by time or television or even hosting.

Chelsea Handler

• Time
• Night

I remember having a conversation with my sister, saying, 'What if I don't make it? What if I'm still waiting tables when I'm 35?' I was just at the end of my rope. But I've been at the end of that rope several times.

Chelsea Handler

• Remember
• Waiting
• Sister

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.

Chelsea Handler

• Friends

I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.

Chelsea Handler

I think pregnancy is a huge responsibility.

Chelsea Handler

• Responsibility
• Pregnancy

The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.

Chelsea Handler

• Life
• Happy
• Friendship

I try to make fun of everyone as often as possible, especially minorities.

Chelsea Handler

• Fun

I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That's my problem.

Chelsea Handler

• Good

My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely.

Chelsea Handler

You can act, or you can't. I'm sure a lot of people who are serious about acting would disagree, but I'm not really worried about them.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Serious

Personally, I'd have a baby just for the epidural.

Chelsea Handler

• Baby

It takes me a while to get my appetite going when I wake up early.

Chelsea Handler

• Up

Seeing your parents fall apart is really rough. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

Chelsea Handler

• Parents
• Wish
• Fall

Once you've achieved success, and you're making decisions that are working, I don't understand why anyone would be second-guessing themselves.

Chelsea Handler

• Why
• Success

I definitely don't want to have kids. I don't think I'd be a great mother. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have the time to raise a child.

Chelsea Handler

• Time
• Great
• Kids

I was the youngest of six kids, and my brothers and sisters were kind of a lot older than me. And the one sister that was, like, in a close age range - she was five years older than me. She was my closest sister in age, and she was a loser.

Chelsea Handler

• She
• Kids
• Age

I try not to cheat on my boyfriends when I have them.

Chelsea Handler

Great guys exist. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you feel you deserve them the most, but they're there. I believe it. You should too. Because now I'm with someone who makes me grow every day. His name is Netflix.

Chelsea Handler

• Great
• Believe
• May

I think comedy has to come from your authentic point of view.

Chelsea Handler

• Comedy

E! has just become a sad, sad place to live. They don't know what they're doing; they have no ideas... everything they do just is a failure.

Chelsea Handler

• Live
• Failure
• Sad

There was never a moment when I was like, 'I'm going to enter the public conversation on the importance of female nudity.'

Chelsea Handler

I started my own business because my parents had no dowry for me, and I was worried. I ran it from their Martha Vineyard's summer house. I baby-sat for a 14-year-old boy all summer and was giving him time-outs, even though I was two years younger than him.

Chelsea Handler

• Time
• Business
• House

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

Chelsea Handler

• People
• Shine

I have a huge impact with young girls. Young women. That's my demographic.

Chelsea Handler

• Women