Kathy Griffin Quotes
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Next thing I know, there a baby in my ter-litt!
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It was sweaty Whitney (Houston) in Central Park. She knew that park pretty well. Every bush!
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I don't know about you, but I fucked a midget. I have secrets.
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I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.
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My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.
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You know what's great about my mom? She compulsively swears and doesn't know it. Like...I mean, she doesn't have Tourettes. I could never get that lucky. Can you imagine how it would be to have parents with Tourettes? I would be in heaven...but anyway. That is one funny fucking disease.
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She reaches under and grabs my peech and like, squeezes it and walks away. I run over to Brooke and go 'Your mother just molested me. I could sue you and own this house'!
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And yet she has the fucked-up baby voice! And is there anything more charming than a grown woman with a baby voice? Mmmm, yummy! I'm hard thinking about it.
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Don't you love the new crazy Britney, she's our new Liza.
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I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.
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Nothing gets me more nervous than white people who talk black.......I mean, it's fun on 'Ricki Lake', but in real life......
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The wrestler was up there with his wife, and I actually heard her say 'Can this thing do a loopty loop?'
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(On signing autographs for troops) I'd be writing To Private so and so, love Kathy Griffin and then I'd go 'here, think about this when you beat off'.
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Isn't Scientology one of those things where you really like someone and once you hear they're a Scientologist, you're like 'I'm out'?
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No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
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Wake up people! If you are gay and living in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, what the fuck else are you gonna do? You're gonna join the musical theatre. That's all you got in Pigeon Forge - there's no 'bear' bar! This is it. Suit up.....put the wings on!
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What? Steven Spielberg is furious with me? I won't be able to star in any more Steven Spielberg movies? What will I do with my day? Suck my dick!!
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My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.
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We didn't know that the (Jackson) family was as nuts as we're now finding out. Who knew that Michael was the normal one??
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Impersonating Celine) 'Zis next song iz for all ze parents in zer audience, and also zer children'...(looks puzzled).... that's just everybody, right?
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I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.
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(On Paris Hilton) Believe it or not, I sort of know her a little bit. And based on that, I'm here to tell you that she is actually.......um.....retarded!
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I know you love her... you're gay and she's Celine Dion!