Kathy Griffin Quotes
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Next thing I know, there a baby in my ter-litt!
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It was sweaty Whitney (Houston) in Central Park. She knew that park pretty well. Every bush!
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I don't know about you, but I fucked a midget. I have secrets.
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The wrestler was up there with his wife, and I actually heard her say 'Can this thing do a loopty loop?'
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And yet she has the fucked-up baby voice! And is there anything more charming than a grown woman with a baby voice? Mmmm, yummy! I'm hard thinking about it.
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My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.
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I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
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I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.
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Don't you love the new crazy Britney, she's our new Liza.
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You know what's great about my mom? She compulsively swears and doesn't know it. Like...I mean, she doesn't have Tourettes. I could never get that lucky. Can you imagine how it would be to have parents with Tourettes? I would be in heaven...but anyway. That is one funny fucking disease.
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I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.
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Nothing gets me more nervous than white people who talk black.......I mean, it's fun on 'Ricki Lake', but in real life......
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(On signing autographs for troops) I'd be writing To Private so and so, love Kathy Griffin and then I'd go 'here, think about this when you beat off'.
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She reaches under and grabs my peech and like, squeezes it and walks away. I run over to Brooke and go 'Your mother just molested me. I could sue you and own this house'!
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You'll have to excuse my friend, Ryan. That's the first time he's ever touched a woman.
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My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.
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Wake up people! If you are gay and living in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, what the fuck else are you gonna do? You're gonna join the musical theatre. That's all you got in Pigeon Forge - there's no 'bear' bar! This is it. Suit up.....put the wings on!
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I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.
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There's something about Shania Twain I just don't trust. I don't know, I can't put my finger...she's just too thin. I like my country singers to have the big hair and the big ass.
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This thing that's really weird about Seacrest is that he's super into grooming. He gets mani-pedi's. He gets his eyelashes dyed. He goes to Mystic Tan, he flat-irons his hair. Very butch. Very typical of straight men!
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No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.
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Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.
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I know you love her... you're gay and she's Celine Dion!
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Isn't Scientology one of those things where you really like someone and once you hear they're a Scientologist, you're like 'I'm out'?