Daniel Tosh Quotes
I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.
Quotes to Explore
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If I can't drive my old pickup to wherever I'm going, well, chances are good that I just won't go.
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When things happen - you ask yourself why today, why not tomorrow, why not yesterday? That's the most amazing thing about time.
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I don't want to miss out on the chance of having a good time.
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Yes, I mean, I used to be into the big bulk thing, and that's why my legs look like those of a cyclist instead of a shooter's, but I think there is a point to where too much is not a good thing. I think I try to lower my center of gravity by doing a lot of legs.
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Good fiction is about asserting the beauties of the world, inventing a new, positive thing. Where am I going to get that? And it should be original; it should not be cliched. So the way I looked at history was not to accuse it of failure.
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It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.'
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I'm planning to be here forever, but I know at some point I'll probably have to give it up. If you live to 100, there's a very good chance you'll live forever. Because very few people die after 100.
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A good school teaches you resilience - that ability to bounce back.
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I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're laughing.
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The hype man's job is to get everybody out of their seats and on the dance floor to have a good time.
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I always felt like I'm a good one-on-one defensive player.
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Ninety per cent of how you learn is watching great people. When you are surrounded by good actors it lifts your performance.
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Mike Tyson would have been a good sparring partner for me and Muhammad Ali because Tyson was a fast fighter and he could punch and throw good combinations.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.
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What do you think will happen in a forced marriage? With an uneducated man, an animal. What would I say, that I am already married? Why would I say it? I never accepted him as my husband in my heart or mind. How I spent a year and a half with him, only I know. And I only did it because of the child.
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People of small caliber are always carping. They are bent on showing their own superiority, their knowledge or prowess or good breeding.
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American fiction is good. It would be nice if somebody read it.
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I love moments in film where there's no dialogue, and somebody communicates something with a look that kills you. That's why I love going to the cinema.
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A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
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Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there.
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I always feel like there is some dude out there with money that I could fall back on if I needed to.
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In reality, infinity is merely the distance to the heart of a stranger. Eternity is the moment of cognition.
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I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.
