Bill Engvall Quotes
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About magazines school children sell, which his wife buys without even looking at what she's buying.
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A half a Vicodin and a Bahama Mama...makes for a bitchin' day!
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People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'
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Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
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about trampolines
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Here's Your Sign Reloaded (2003)
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I've learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains.
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about 'TV golfers' who try to help other people out
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after watching a spitting cobra spit at Steve Irwin
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Marital sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
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Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
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Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.
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A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there.
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I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
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on holiday in Hawaii
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Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
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playing Pictionary with his wife and some friends
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Here's Your Sign (1996)
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If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.
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watching a baseball game in Los Angeles
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I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.
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Europe has such an expansive history.
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I eat fish, chicken, vegetables and other healthier foods. I do love a great steak.
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If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity. I don't have that lifestyle, nor do I want that lifestyle. I want to know that I can have a separate life with my wife and my kids and just be normal and go camping and fishing and outdoor stuff.