Bill Engvall Quotes
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About magazines school children sell, which his wife buys without even looking at what she's buying.
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People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'
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A half a Vicodin and a Bahama Mama...makes for a bitchin' day!
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Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
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about trampolines
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I've learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains.
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Here's Your Sign Reloaded (2003)
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about 'TV golfers' who try to help other people out
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after watching a spitting cobra spit at Steve Irwin
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Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
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Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.
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I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
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on holiday in Hawaii
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Marital sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
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A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there.
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If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.
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Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'
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Here's Your Sign (1996)
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playing Pictionary with his wife and some friends
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watching a baseball game in Los Angeles
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Europe has such an expansive history.
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I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.
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I eat fish, chicken, vegetables and other healthier foods. I do love a great steak.
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If you lived next door to me and didn't know what I did, you wouldn't know I was a celebrity. I don't have that lifestyle, nor do I want that lifestyle. I want to know that I can have a separate life with my wife and my kids and just be normal and go camping and fishing and outdoor stuff.