Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

If facts weren't funny, or scary, or couldn't make you rich, the heck with them.

Kurt Vonnegut

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Quotes to Explore

• What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.

  

  Natasha Leggero
  • People
  • Up
  • World

• I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Home
  • Guy
  • Pretty

• I don't have the looks to compete at a bar, and I'm not that funny. So the last thing I want is to be in a situation where that's what I'm competing on. I'd rather be on OkCupid or Match, where I can write a 300-word essay about myself that's really good.

  

  Sam Yagan
  • Good
  • Funny
  • Myself

• The ultimate vision is to instate in the Muslim world the notion of multiculturalism, which is part of our heritage and history, part of the fundamental, mainstream ideals of Islam.

  

  Feisal Abdul Rauf
  • World
  • History
  • Vision

• What is extraordinary about the character of Edna - and I speak as though I am completely outside this character and I am talking to you - I'm, as it were, in the wings, and she's on stage, and every now and then she says something extremely funny, and I stand there and think: 'I wish I'd thought of that.'

  

  Barry Humphries
  • Character
  • Funny
  • Stage

• Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.

  

  Garrison Keillor
  • Death
  • Funny
  • Humor

• It's a scary thing going into the workforce with a $50,000 debt and you've been trained as a classical theatre actor. There's always a depression in the theatre.

  

  Frances McDormand
  • Always
  • Theatre
  • Scary

• This may sound funny, but I feel my most beautiful when I'm clean, fresh out of the bath. I don't have to be dressed up. I could be in comfy clothes at home hanging out with my family.

  

  Faith Hill
  • Up
  • Family
  • May

• I think it would be funny for people to read in obituaries of me that my major contribution to the arts was the popularization of the phrases 'neutral facial expression' and 'screaming in agony.'

  

  Tao Lin
  • People
  • Funny
  • Me

• I have an unfortunate personality.

  

  Orson Welles
  • Funny
  • Personality

• Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

  

  Abraham Lincoln
  • Funny
  • See
  • Others

• There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast.

  

  J. Michael Straczynski
  • Writing
  • Funny
  • Sad

• Shops are not a growing business, so it's a scary place to be.

  

  Galen Weston
  • Business
  • Growing
  • Place

• I got tired of books where the boy is a bit thick and the girl's very clever. Why does it have to such an opposition? Why can't they be like the girls and boys that I know personally, who are equally funny and equally cross? Who get things equally wrong and are equally brave? And make the same mistakes?

  

  Patrick Ness
  • Why
  • Girl
  • Funny

• But if Russia is to be part of this larger zone of peace it cannot bring into it its imperial baggage. It cannot bring into it a policy of genocide against the Chechens, and cannot kill journalists, and it cannot repress the mass media.

  

  Zbigniew Brzezinski
  • Peace
  • Media
  • Bring

• I think I am a star - I'm simply a funny-shaped star.

  

  Malcolm Wilson
  • Funny
  • Star

• I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it.

  

  Ze Frank
  • People
  • Friends
  • Song

• If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  

  Jack Benny
  • Mind
  • Funny
  • Matter

• I think there's this new kind of character; it's a sidekick-slash-leading man role. People like Zach Galifianakis and Seth Rogen have been really successful in those roles. You don't have to be this square-jawed, chiseled, deep-voiced Superman; you can be funny and normal and put in the leading man category.

  

  Tyler Labine
  • People
  • Character
  • Funny

• Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there.

  

  Chris Evans
  • World
  • Friends
  • Funny

• You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

  

  Colin Quinn
  • Funny

• It's funny, but to me, when you go to a concert hall and hear electronic pieces from the '60s, I think they sound really dated. But when an orchestra plays a piece from that period, and it's going to sound different every time, it feels more modern to me.

  

  Jonny Greenwood Radiohead
  • Time
  • Different
  • Funny

• You got to control your own destiny. You got to keep writin' different stuff. Keep switchin' up and never do the same thing too many times.

  

  Chris Tucker
  • Up
  • Different
  • Control

• If facts weren't funny, or scary, or couldn't make you rich, the heck with them.

  

  Kurt Vonnegut
  • Funny
  • Scary