Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
Quotes to Explore
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You know, if you look all my stuff... If you go back to 'Saturday Night Live,' my stuff always has music, even a bunch of my comedy stuff - like in 'Shrek,' the donkey is always singing. Music is always there.
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Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.
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I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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I like the idea of the comedy of resilience.
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I did accents and funny voices for the family when I was growing up.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Well, I loved variety in television, I loved sketch comedy. At 'Saturday Night Live,' I stayed almost seven years.
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When I watch a romantic comedy, I feel like they're selling something that doesn't exist. Two beautiful, but extremely unpleasant, people are terrible to each other for an hour, accidentally kiss, then decide to like each other during an extremely vague montage. That isn't how people fall in love.
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Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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It's funny, because I've never thought of myself as a Hispanic actor, like in 'American Gangster,' I'm playing an Italian. I've always been fortunate enough to have been allowed to play all these diverse roles.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I'm a student of comedy in general, so I've always loved Billy Crystal. But I'm a different type of showman. I'm a clown and a jester.
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Thirty-three-years-old, still creating art. It's rage, it's creativity, it's pain, it's hurt, but it's the opportunity to still have my voice get out there through music.
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I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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The tires were scorching hot, in fact I burned my fingers on one.
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I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue.
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Kylie Minogue - she's so great. You'd love her if you met her. Everyone would. In a way I wish everyone could, to see what a person she is. She's so sweet and no bull and really funny, man, really funny. The Rolling Stones are like a weight around your neck. All that..'you're not meant to rock after you're 30...you've got to die in a car crash or of a drug overdose.
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My grandmother had this high-tech security system - a rusty nail she used to lock the door.
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Over my lifetime, women have demonstrated repeatedly that they can do anything that men can do, while still managing traditional women's work at the same time. But the same expansion of roles has not been available to men.
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It's fun to play the type of people you dislike.
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I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
