Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
Quotes to Explore
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You know, if you look all my stuff... If you go back to 'Saturday Night Live,' my stuff always has music, even a bunch of my comedy stuff - like in 'Shrek,' the donkey is always singing. Music is always there.
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Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.
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I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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I like the idea of the comedy of resilience.
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I did accents and funny voices for the family when I was growing up.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Well, I loved variety in television, I loved sketch comedy. At 'Saturday Night Live,' I stayed almost seven years.
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When I watch a romantic comedy, I feel like they're selling something that doesn't exist. Two beautiful, but extremely unpleasant, people are terrible to each other for an hour, accidentally kiss, then decide to like each other during an extremely vague montage. That isn't how people fall in love.
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Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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It's funny, because I've never thought of myself as a Hispanic actor, like in 'American Gangster,' I'm playing an Italian. I've always been fortunate enough to have been allowed to play all these diverse roles.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I'm a student of comedy in general, so I've always loved Billy Crystal. But I'm a different type of showman. I'm a clown and a jester.
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Thirty-three-years-old, still creating art. It's rage, it's creativity, it's pain, it's hurt, but it's the opportunity to still have my voice get out there through music.
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I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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The tires were scorching hot, in fact I burned my fingers on one.
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We've had risk assessments performed by Harvard University, which said that even if we did have a small number of cases in this country that the likelihood of it spreading or getting into any kind of human health problem is very, very small.
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The priceless galaxy of misinformation called the mind.
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Don't be ashamed of reliving your childhood, Ox, because all of us must do it now and then to maintain our sanity.
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The greatest thing about the call-in show is that you always felt like you were on a high wire without a net.
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But if I worried too much about publishers' expectations, I'd probably paralyze myself and not be able to write anything.
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I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
