Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
Quotes to Explore
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You know, if you look all my stuff... If you go back to 'Saturday Night Live,' my stuff always has music, even a bunch of my comedy stuff - like in 'Shrek,' the donkey is always singing. Music is always there.
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Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.
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I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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I like the idea of the comedy of resilience.
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I did accents and funny voices for the family when I was growing up.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Well, I loved variety in television, I loved sketch comedy. At 'Saturday Night Live,' I stayed almost seven years.
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When I watch a romantic comedy, I feel like they're selling something that doesn't exist. Two beautiful, but extremely unpleasant, people are terrible to each other for an hour, accidentally kiss, then decide to like each other during an extremely vague montage. That isn't how people fall in love.
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Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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It's funny, because I've never thought of myself as a Hispanic actor, like in 'American Gangster,' I'm playing an Italian. I've always been fortunate enough to have been allowed to play all these diverse roles.
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I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.
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I'm a student of comedy in general, so I've always loved Billy Crystal. But I'm a different type of showman. I'm a clown and a jester.
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Thirty-three-years-old, still creating art. It's rage, it's creativity, it's pain, it's hurt, but it's the opportunity to still have my voice get out there through music.
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I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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The tires were scorching hot, in fact I burned my fingers on one.
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My idea as far as comedy goes has always been to push the limits of what's acceptable for a woman to do or say or be. My hero in that would be Lenny Bruce, who teaches us that words have no meaning. It's the intent behind them that is what's important.
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When I was a kid my family was really poor and I remember one Halloween I wanted to dress up really scary and my parents came home with a duck costume. I wore that costume for years! I hated it.
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It was maddening how your best friend could twist the knobs inside of you so much that it hurt.
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My only real insecurities in high school were having such long legs and thick hair — things I’m so very grateful for now.
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I have no regrets in going into politics or leaving the Tollywood for a while.
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I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.
