Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

Jim Gaffigan

• Funny
• Comedy
• Hurt
• Hot
• Glad

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Quotes to Explore

• You know, if you look all my stuff... If you go back to 'Saturday Night Live,' my stuff always has music, even a bunch of my comedy stuff - like in 'Shrek,' the donkey is always singing. Music is always there.

  

  Eddie Murphy
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• Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking.

  

  Oliver Cromwell
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• I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.

  

  Edith Sitwell
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• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

  

  Isaac Asimov
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• I like the idea of the comedy of resilience.

  

  Oscar Isaac
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• I did accents and funny voices for the family when I was growing up.

  

  Lake Bell
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• Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

  

  Abraham Lincoln
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• Well, I loved variety in television, I loved sketch comedy. At 'Saturday Night Live,' I stayed almost seven years.

  

  Dana Carvey
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• When I watch a romantic comedy, I feel like they're selling something that doesn't exist. Two beautiful, but extremely unpleasant, people are terrible to each other for an hour, accidentally kiss, then decide to like each other during an extremely vague montage. That isn't how people fall in love.

  

  Rainbow Rowell
  • People
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• Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Funny
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• If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

  

  Abraham Lincoln
  • Funny
  • Would
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• It's funny, because I've never thought of myself as a Hispanic actor, like in 'American Gangster,' I'm playing an Italian. I've always been fortunate enough to have been allowed to play all these diverse roles.

  

  Yul Vazquez
  • American
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• I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.

  

  Edmund Hillary
  • Great
  • True
  • Funny

• I'm a student of comedy in general, so I've always loved Billy Crystal. But I'm a different type of showman. I'm a clown and a jester.

  

  T. J. Miller
  • Different
  • Comedy
  • Loved

• Thirty-three-years-old, still creating art. It's rage, it's creativity, it's pain, it's hurt, but it's the opportunity to still have my voice get out there through music.

  

  Kanye West
  • Music
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  • Opportunity

• I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

  

  Mae West
  • Funny
  • Snow
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• I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

  

  Dane Cook
  • Think
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• There are some die-hard 'Chelsea Lately' fans, and that's where the majority of my fans come from. Chelsea is really helping make comedy audiences hipper and edgier.

  

  Natasha Leggero
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• Of course, the discounting of future earnings should hurt all stocks. But it should hurt technology stocks more than others, because so many of them are valued at extremely high levels relative to their current earnings.

  

  Alex Berenson
  • High
  • Future
  • Technology

• Sidney Crosby, our greatest player, I don't want to see Sidney Crosby in the penalty box. I don't want to see Sidney Crosby hurt. I want to see Sidney Crosby play.

  

  Bobby Orr
  • Player
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• It's been great to travel because I really enjoyed being 'Elektra', so it's not a problem talking about it.

  

  Elodie Yung
  • Great
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• The one thing that I learned in college, actually, was that you may reach tremendous highs and tremendous lows.

  

  Jidenna Theodore Mobisson
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• Nothing really scares me, to be honest.

  

  Billie Eilish

• I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Funny
  • Comedy
  • Hurt