Jim Gaffigan Quotes
Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.

Quotes to Explore
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I got lucky. I won the San Francisco Stand-Up Comedy Competition in 1977 while I was still at San Francisco State.
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I'm a regular person. I know a lot of people love being famous. I don't like it. I'm just chillin'. YouknowwhatI'msayin'?
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You can be an Olympic champion in 9.5 secs, but to be the greatest, there's more to it. It takes a bit of forethought and a lot of mental application.
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Never have I found the limits of the photographic potential. Every horizon, upon being reached, reveals another beckoning in the distance. Always, I am on the threshold.
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When I was in school, there was no such thing as girls' athletics.
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I have spent a lot of time listening to people who are serving life sentences and getting to know them and the circumstances of their lives. I have never met anyone serving a long prison sentence who had anything close to what I could call a childhood; instead, the upbringings always - always - involve extreme situations of poverty and abuse.
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The reason can only be this: heroic poetry depends on an heroic age, and an age is heroic because of what it is, not because of what it does.
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When I won the belt, it was kind of a precedent... The only Canadian to have ever held it.
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I believe that I'm a hillbilly in my values and in my attitudes, and I don't want to lose that. I think it's possible to maintain a big chunk of that identity so long as you're self-reflective and meaningful about it.
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A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far.
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I like junk food, French fries, hamburgers - I love it.
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I can understand Communism, but not Socialism.
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Item numbers are not my cup of tea.
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Acting was something I had to do.
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Let's just say, if I weren't a model, I'd be a walking collage. I see my body as a blank canvas that's aching to be decorated; I find it all very fascinating.
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She told me that she would support me regardless of what I decided, but I'm so glad that I actually got to be a kid before having to grow up. My mom knows best about this kind of thing.
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The man who has done his level best... is a success, even though the world may write him down a failure.
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A hard man is good to find.
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Europe and North America, we are told, are less dependent on energy-intensive heavy industry than in the 1960s and 1970s. It seems we squeeze more GDP out of a barrel of oil than in those benighted days.
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I very much had wanted to do a picture with more humor than what I had been allowed to do earlier, which is what attracted me to Wonder Boys so much. I found it funny in a very serious way, which is the best kind of comedy.
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I think in every picture that I've ever made. Everything that I've done torments me. I really would like another chance except I'd be too embarrassed to ever really try to do them again and no one would want to see the same movie just done differently.
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For me, a great joke is an idea expressed in extremely concentrated form.
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Why do you have to be out of town to write a postcard? I want a to write a postcard to my neighbor: "I still live near you!" The guy sees me go into my apartment, flips the card over, it's just a picture of me holding a rifle.