Jim Gaffigan Quotes
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I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.
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A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.
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I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.
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It's a balancing act of you feel horrible that you're away but there is something about the road that is rather liberating.
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As I go on in standup, I keep being described as cleaner and cleaner as I do each hour, they're like, 'It's unbelievable how clean,' 'He's the cleanest person in the world.' And then I'll do shows and people will be like, 'You're supposed to be so clean, but you're talking about cancer.'
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You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, "These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent."
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I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
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Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
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I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?
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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
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I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.
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There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, "I know someone who looks like you" and I don't know what say to them except, "Tell them hi."
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.
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My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.
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How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, "How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water."
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I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
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I like that in my audiences, there's a lesbian couple sitting next to a Mormon family.
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The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.
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You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
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I would say my return to my faith is - it's a very personal thing.
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I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, "I'm going to read this script like six times," and I only read it the initial time.
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Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.
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I was still rooting for Notre Dame.It's like there's the cultural Catholic experience.