Jim Gaffigan Quotes
- All Quotes
-
We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was "The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan." And it was a bit terrifying.
-
There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
-
I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no.
-
The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?
-
Be more assertive with what you want to do.
-
Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
-
I liked the idea that my character was not gonna be the typical dumb guy that I play, typically. I also loved the fact that it was dealing with kind of adult-extended adolescence, which I think is always interesting - a bunch of people that don't wanna grow up.
-
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."
-
You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'
-
I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana - mafia.
-
They always give you three ketchup packets. When you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you're taking from his personal stash. "Looks like my kids aren't having ketchup tonight."
-
I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
-
That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.
-
I like to think of bread as really bland cake.
-
The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, "You should be the head of the sitcom!" Or you're given no respect, where they're like, "You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down."
-
I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.
-
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing cynicism among all Hoosiers.
-
Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is why I usually look like I've just watched a horror film on a rollercoaster. Kids love to scream. Frightened, happy, bored. They scream. I've actually learned to love the sound of a vacuum cleaner. It's just so peaceful.
-
I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist.
-
There are a lot of good looking men on this planet. It seems like once a week someone will tell me, "I know someone who looks like you" and I don't know what say to them except, "Tell them hi."
-
Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.
-
I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
-
It's a balancing act of you feel horrible that you're away but there is something about the road that is rather liberating.
-
Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.