Jim Gaffigan Quotes
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I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.
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I'm kind of like a guy who's missing a little bit of the guy gene. Like, I love steak, but the notion of golfing is the last thing I would want to do. I love women, but I'm also a mama's boy, and some of my best friends are women. So I'm kinda half guy's guy.
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There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.
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I just want to be known as funny.
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I've always wanted to be an actor. I've never planned on the acting and the stand-up feeding each other; they've always been separate desires.
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I'm afraid of a couple things. I'm afraid of getting caught up in other people's expectations, because I feel like that's an ongoing battle.
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There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
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I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food growing up.
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I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.
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I recently bought extreme chunky peanut butter. I opened it up.. .it was just peanuts. Wow that is extreme!
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It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer; there is cynicism mixed with sarcasm and some optimism. That's how my background influenced my comedy.
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Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.
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If someone picks up one thing you've written, you want them to go, 'Wow, this is pretty good.'
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I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.
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People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but I always say there's not a great mystery to stand-up comedy.
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Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: 'This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye.'
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No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much.
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I am somebody who - my path to my faith is very kind of individual, and I don't want to be lumped into the category of those Westboro Baptists.
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I like bowling. It's just one of those things where I can do so many jokes about it because I do know bowling. Somebody once said, "The whitest things in the world are Jim Gaffigan and bowling."
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That's why when I send a postcard I quiz people. "Hey, did you get that postcard?" "Yeah, yeah yeah." "Well what'd I say?" "Uh, you were havin-" "I was in jail"
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I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."
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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
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For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
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I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.