Jim Gaffigan Quotes
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Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
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I need the concept of mercy for me to have some semblance of self-admiration. So in real life, I'm probably somebody who is more devout.
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I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
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No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much.
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We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A journalist at The Washington Post wrote this article where the headline was "The New Catholic Evangelism Of Jim Gaffigan." And it was a bit terrifying.
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I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
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I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
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My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, "Dad Is Fat." And in the book, I was encouraged constantly by my editor to be more personal and talk about more personal experiences.
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Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.
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Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
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It's a balancing act of you feel horrible that you're away but there is something about the road that is rather liberating.
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Screaming. Did I mention the screaming? Screaming is usually associated with horror films and roller coasters. This is why I usually look like I've just watched a horror film on a rollercoaster. Kids love to scream. Frightened, happy, bored. They scream. I've actually learned to love the sound of a vacuum cleaner. It's just so peaceful.
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I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.
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Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both sides.
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I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.
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New York has made me so paranoid, too. Whenever I visit another city, I always act like I'm from there, so the cab driver doesn't rip me off. I'm always like, "Yeah, it's good to be back home. Back here where I grew up. Yeah. Here in Tokyo. ... Uh, driver, I need to go to my old stomping grounds. That would be the Holiday Inn. And the address appears to be the pound sign."
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The whole idea of celebrity is flattering - it helps you get into restaurants and stuff - but once you obtain some creative fulfillment, which you do on a nightly basis as a comedian, it's hard to give that up just to be the wacky neighbor on a show.
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I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.
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I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.
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I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
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I would say my return to my faith is - it's a very personal thing.
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In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me because I'm exotic!
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You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.