- All Quotes
-
I love the impatience of New York... You ever had somebody not ask you for directions, but demand them? You're just innocently walking down the street, you hear a horn, all of a sudden some guy's like, 'HOLLAND TUNNEL!!!' ...You know, like you were supposed to fax this guy directions. Suddenly, you're wasting HIS time.
Jim Gaffigan -
It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana: Mafia. But the fact of the matter is where I grew up there was something very similar to the Mafia: 4-H.
Jim Gaffigan
-
Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
Jim Gaffigan -
You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're like, "These people over here, uh, they don't think I drink. And don't be thrown by my British accent."
Jim Gaffigan -
I need the concept of mercy for me to have some semblance of self-admiration. So in real life, I'm probably somebody who is more devout.
Jim Gaffigan -
I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David Cross' type of standup.
Jim Gaffigan -
The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, "You should be the head of the sitcom!" Or you're given no respect, where they're like, "You should audition to be the garbage man that lives four houses down."
Jim Gaffigan -
Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.
Jim Gaffigan
-
I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.
Jim Gaffigan -
I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.
Jim Gaffigan -
My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.
Jim Gaffigan -
"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody
Jim Gaffigan -
Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
Jim Gaffigan -
There are people that are vegetarians that love bacon.
Jim Gaffigan
-
I think I have a lot of voices in my head and I guess my inner critic is a female.
Jim Gaffigan -
Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.
Jim Gaffigan -
The ridiculousness and idiocy of life is embraced and examined. It nurtures the childhood perspective in everyone.
Jim Gaffigan -
I would say my return to my faith is - it's a very personal thing.
Jim Gaffigan -
My wife and I, we work together. And we wrote this book, "Dad Is Fat." And in the book, I was encouraged constantly by my editor to be more personal and talk about more personal experiences.
Jim Gaffigan -
I love my career, but I feel like you've got to babysit a lot of aspects of things. Assuming that things will be handled properly is just naive. But I think that's anyone's life, right? Even if you're running a construction site, it doesn't matter if you've been doing it for 20 years, you're still going to be blindsided by someone's incompetence or indifference.
Jim Gaffigan
-
I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.
Jim Gaffigan -
I grew up 45 minutes outside of Chicago.
Jim Gaffigan -
I curse in everyday life, but usually when I stub my toe. The topics I'm discussing, it's not necessary to curse. I found [cursing] is a sign that a joke is not finished or well-written.
Jim Gaffigan -
Playing frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to chasing after a frisbee.
Jim Gaffigan