Jim Gaffigan Quotes
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I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.
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For a comedian to kind of catch onto something right as something's catching on in our culture, a lot of it is luck, and you hope the joke is funny.
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I feel guilty if I'm not reading books, but I read scripts of movies or things that I know I'm committed to that I'm going to do the project. I tell myself, "I'm going to read this script like six times," and I only read it the initial time.
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I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.
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You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.
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As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al Gore to your wife's Bill Clinton. She feels the pain and you are the annoying nerd telling them to turn off the lights.
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I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.
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The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
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I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.
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Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.
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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.
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I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?
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The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it.
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I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.
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I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
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New York has made me so paranoid, too. Whenever I visit another city, I always act like I'm from there, so the cab driver doesn't rip me off. I'm always like, "Yeah, it's good to be back home. Back here where I grew up. Yeah. Here in Tokyo. ... Uh, driver, I need to go to my old stomping grounds. That would be the Holiday Inn. And the address appears to be the pound sign."
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When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.
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I'm from Indiana. I know what you're thinking, Indiana... Mafia. But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like, 'We're from New York and we're the best' or 'We're from Texas and we like things big' it's more like 'We're from Indiana and we're gonna move.'
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I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of "sit back and wait your turn," or "sit back and wait and let other people do things."
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Bacon's the best, even the frying of bacon sounds like an applause.
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There are different parts of us. You want to feel safe but you want to also feel challenged.
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You're on stage and because stand-up comedy is one of the few meritocracies in the entertainment industry, there's some kind of - at least for me, there's some kind of idea of control.