Jim Gaffigan Quotes
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The ridiculousness and idiocy of life is embraced and examined. It nurtures the childhood perspective in everyone.
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I live in New York City, but it doesn't matter if you're in any large, metropolitan area, there's kind of a little bit of survival-of-the-fittest, so when you encounter kindness or people going out of their way in an empathetic way, it's almost startling.
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I grew up 45 minutes outside of Chicago.
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There was [ in New York] - some of it was this perception of the Midwest that I realized in this multicultural city that - and I don't think it's as true as it was - but everyone was kind of like, what, are you Jewish? Are you Italian? What are you? You know, are you black? Are you da-da-da? Are you Puerto Rican? And so I ended up - my ethnic identity was Midwestern, was white bread. And so it informed a lot of my stand-up.
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There's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a prevailing conventional wisdom that I think is really wrong. That's not to say that television writers aren't great, but I think that the belief that some comedy writer's going to be able to capture your voice is naive.
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Who was the first person to walk into a harbor and say, "Whatever that horrible smell is I want to eat it"
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I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy who gets stuck in the revolving door and thinks I should write about that.
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The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?
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I'm the youngest, too. When you're the youngest of a big family, people are like, "You're the baby, you're spoiled!" The fact of the matter is, when you're the youngest of a big family, by the time you're a teenager, your parents are insane. You're like, "Hey, I'm going roller-skating-" "You're not going roller-skating or you'll end up pregnant like your sister. Why don't you smoke pot and become a lawyer?"
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I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"
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Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?
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My new years resolution? I will be less laz.
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Stand-up is an amazing art form, I think, because it's all about you having complete control of the situation, but absolutely none.
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What kind of life are you leading where you consider ketchup fancy? "Well, we ain't rich folk, but on special occasions, I'll break out the ketchup. Grandma's birthday, make her feel special"
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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
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Cancer is always funny.
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I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.
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I'm not a foodie; I'm an eatie. I don't have anything against foodies. I just don't have the time or the interest to do that much research.
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I think it's great some hotels provide stationery. Because the first thing I like to do when I get to a hotel room is write a letter. "My dearest Gwendolyn, I arrived by nightfall at the Embassy Suites. It will be a fortnight after my return that this letter shall arrive. Allow me to explain the curious charge at the ledger. It is because I miss thee so much, darling, I accidentally ordered Sorrority Sisters 7."
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In stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
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There is this false perception that comedians can never be serious. It's like from like the era of court jesters.
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I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to do material that makes people laugh at the expense of making other people feel bad - not to say I'm not guilty of that at times. ... I try and make humor out of the really important issues of the day, like Hot Pockets and elevators and not wanting to get out of bed.
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I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the human experience, you know, whether they're people of any stripes of life.